and squiggle and squirm.
45
Yes, even
something like a worm
Can be a
well-loved pet
And that is
often something
Other people
can forget!
We’ve looked at dogs and Mums with greens
Of
worms, of men who make moonbeams
And now, I want to tell you, all on Earth
A
story of great fame and worth.
Children, adults, one and all
Let’s
now start our tales so tall
With
the story of Fission Chips
A Prof.
who builds fast rocket ships.
The
Prof was sitting in the dark
When
suddenly a bright hot spark
Went
“ping!” inside his mind – at that
He
shouted Quark, his faithful cat.
“Come
on, old Puss”, said Fission Chips
“We’re
going to make more rocket ships!
I want
to build one in this place
That’s
going to blast us into space.”
Quark
looked surprised and said “Meow!
“But I
don’t want to go just now!
“I’ve
got a bowl of tasty food
“So
could I stay, if that’s not rude?”
“Nonsense, Cat!” Said old Prof Fission
“We
need to start out on our mission!”
What
did they see? What did they find?
And did
poor Quark get left behind?
Did
they land safe upon the Moon
Or was
it just an old balloon?
Did
they land, or overshoot?
And did
Quark get his own space-suit?
YOU
tell us what they’re going to do
Because the
next bit’s written by YOU!
79
But
before we hear of the Prof and Quark
Here's a little tale
from a young bright spark... 81
Yesterday, I bumped my head
Or so
my Mum tells me
I can't
remember a thing for life
So they
rushed me to A & E.
When I
arrived, the doctor said
"What
seems to be the problem"
“well
you see, my son has lost his memory”,
And that is what my mum told them.
The doctor said “come with me”,
So he
laid me on a bed
He searched and searched for the
bump,
That
rested on my head.
He eventually found the swollen red
bump,
He said
it was really serious,
My eyes grew wide and full of fear,
And I started to feel delirious.
The doctor said “don’t
worry“,
And my mum said “what is
wrong?”,
The doctor said “he’s got
amnesia”,
But it wont be there for long.
The doctor
said,
“relax for a few days and soon you’ll be
fine”,
So I went home and got in bed,
And began to take my time.
A few days later my memory was
back,
So I could remember much
more,
I ran to my mum and told her I was
cured,
But as I ran back I ran into the
door 110
Ouch!
Oh dear, a word of warning
Don't do it - or it'll
hurt in the morning! 112
Going outside in the
cold,
Has
made one of our authors bold... 114
I built
a snowman, In the yard,
I made
my dog stand on guard,
For I
fear that my friend the snowman will one day
Melt
away. 118
Cold
things don't last long in the sun
And
here's a verse about another one... 120
Ice
cream is the best thing ever,
Will I
stop liking ice cream,
NEVER !
Ice
cream's cold and icy too,
Ice cream's my favourite what about you
? 125
Or if
Ice Cream makes you frown
What about chocolate, warm and brown?
127
I
like chocolate, it makes me want to smile,
I like chocolate, I could eat a pile,
I like chocolate, how about you
?
I like chocolate, it's brown, sticky goo
! 131
That's
enough of food and its features
What about one of your teachers?
133
The PE
teacher Miss Jones is tough,
she
looks so rough
with
muscles of steel.
She
likes you to feel her wrath
and smells of perfume from her bath. 138
Meanwhile readers,
remember Fission
And his cat going on
their mission?
Here’s Aleigha, who’s
already been
Telling us what she has seen 142
To the
moon,
with a fork and a
spoon,
I saw a
cartoon,
that looked like a
baboon,
He sung a high
tune,
and gave me a
prune!
and that is what I
saw on the moon. 149
And while she was
doing her physical fitness
Jessica was another
witness: 151
I went to the park
and I met a man
called Fission Chips
he had a cat called
Quark
who kept chewing on
his lips,
I was very freaked
out so I said
"I'm really sorry,
Sir, I have to shave my head."
so he followed me all
around looking for a friend,
he even came to the
girls toilets with me,
so now he's gone
round the bend.
NOW I'M SO MAD, go
away Sir go away,
oh no, I made him sad
I didn't mean to do
THAT,
now everyone will
think I'm a horrible little brat.
“Oh no” I said, “I'm
really sorry,”
"I know, I'll take
you to a safari." :)
Oh yes, oh yes he's
happy again.
(but I still
think he's a bit insane)
He took me to his
rocket ship.
And there we had a
little sip,
of apple juice, I
might say,
Then he showed me his
pet moose.
I HAVE TO GO NOW,
TOODLE DOO
I really, really,
need the loo :) 174
But before they could
start, Fission had some peppermints
And had to do a few
experiments 176
Quark ate his food
because he was in a mood.
Then Professor
Fission Chips made a ship
that looked like a
pip and smelt a bit like a chip.
They flew up so high
they thought they
were going to die.
Luckily Quark had a
pie
that would stop them
falling out of the sky.
They built another
ship
that looked like a
chip and stank of pips.
They were filled with
glee
and also they were in
time for tea. 187
Darcie-May, she saw
them set off
That intrepid cat and
Prof. 189
FISSION CHIPS? ROCKET
SHIPS?
I'm Quark the cat (I
love my mat)
I've just been asked
to go to the moon...with a BABOON!
I look at my food
with desire then i stare at the fire,
"come on Quark we can
explore space!
Wouldn't that
be ace?"
I smiled a smile as
big as a bus
I pounced I jumped
and kicked up a fuss,
Fission Chips was
overjoyed,
Then he got a bit
annoyed.
I'd knocked off his
toy astroid.
We started to build
our rocket ship,
Me, Quark the cat,
and Fission Chips,
with a bang a pang a
clang and a chang,
we built our ship,
and wasn't it hip!
It had gizmos and a
button that went ting,
It was red and had
loads of bling,
I climbed inside with
Fission Chips beside,
He turned it on with
the flick of a switch
and off we went with
a swwwwwwiiiiiiisssssssshhhhhhhh!!! 209
Fission chips arrives
on a planet
Which was made of
granite
Quark found a ball of
rocks
Which gave him quite
a shock
They entered the
crater
And that looked like
a cheese grater
and it
smelled like an alcoholic waiter 216
Yes,
217
Fission Chips
arrived on a planet,
Which was made of
granite.
Quark found a ball of
rock,
Which gave him quite
a shock.
They entered a
crater,
That looked like a
cheese grater.
They walked on
forward,
They got to the end
and went shoreward
(towards the
sea).
they got to the sea,
and Quark had a
wee. 228
The sea
the sand,
The moon
the land,
The sun
the sky,
And all the seagulls
flying high. 235
Fission chips flew to
planet sketch
Quark met an alien
called Stretch
Who had some spare
land left
Who had to stop theft
He made up his mind
At the right time
That fission chips
had started to sketch and rhyme
Then he found a line
stock the time
he called his space
ship flipper skip
the flipper skip
started to come alive
And then started to
spin and dive 247
Fission Chips and his
cat Quark
went to space in a
space ship
It swirled around and
flipped and dipped and landed,
when they landed on
space
you should have seen
Fission Chips’ face
'well cat' he said
'here we are on the moon'
'and' said Quark can
you hear that space-like tune?'
'yes it feels just
like home' said Fission Chips
'but whats happened
to our space ship'
'I'll go looking for
it' said Quark
'well dont get lost
in all this frost' 258
So Quark walked
around
and listening to an
unusual sound
he wanted to know
where it was coming from
So he went behind
this rock
and out popped an
alien and said
'Hi I’m Tom, be my
friend'
'Ok said Quark but I
need to find a space ship
for my friend,
Fission Chip'
'I will help too, if
you take me home with you,
I will help with
everything you do'
'Ok let’s get looking
for this space ship
for my friend,
Fission Chip'
'I have found the
space ship'
'well done cat, you
can have a treat
how about all you can
eat'
'also I’ve got a
friend called Tom'
'where’s he
from'
'the moon. Anyway
let’s get home
I’m really hungry I
need some food
cuz my tummy is not
in a good mood'
so off they
went
'at least we got a
friend'
'yes one that can
help with odds and ends,
yes our good friend'
282
While Fission and
Quark were discussing Tom
There was someone
else on the planet he came from: 284
There was an
alien called Billy
He seemed rather
silly
With his four googly
eyes
He made himself wise
No-one knew about his
knowledge
Even though he went
to college
They all thought he
was funny
Especially after
eating the honey
He was very nice
And seemed like a tub
of spice
While moving from
mars
All the way to the
bars
He met a girl called
Ann
She looked a bit like
a man
Ann had a dog
In the shape of a log
The dog was very mean
So they treated it
like a queen
It’s nearly the end
of the day
to me it seems like
May
They all sat down to
had fish and chips
Then we ended our
lovely trips 306
Quark, meanwhile, was
anxious to get going
Because back where
they were,
It was snowing!
But soon he wished he
hadn’t spoken
Because the
spacehip’s compressor was broken!
We pick the tale up
sometime later
When they’ve
dismantled the rotorvator
And Quark and Tom and
the Professor
Have managed to fix
their broken compressor 315
"I'm so happy we’re
going on a trip" said Quark
"You know Quark you
have a little bit of sarc"
said Prof Fission
Chips
implying Quark was
being sarcastic.
Moon,Moon,Moon,Moon
That’s were we will
be going soon!
Up and away
the fire was a
weightlifter
lifting the rocket
the air,
then a joy of
'We’re off to the
moon
We’re off to the moon
We’re off to the
MO-
'Whoops! there was a
machine overide
oops!
Up and down up and
down they went
And Quark lost his
pound and a BUMP!!
The hatch door opens
a sign says 'Welcome to Fulu Julu'
"This is a bunch of
VOODOO!" snarled chips.
"Halt who goes
there?"asked a teeney weeney voice,
"Uh Prof Fission
Chips and my cat Quark"
said Chips listening
so close,
"Er I'm a humming
bird, NERD so buzz off!" said the bird.
"No"
"Yes"
"No"
"Yes"
"Ok I declare war
with fatty bum bum and pet!"
said the
bird
"That's alright said
Quark
"No it's not" said
Chips, feeling quite upset!
"A fight a fight were
gonna have a fight!"
"No you’re not” said
Quark who made a suit
and ate all the birds
just having a shot.
"Run, I don't wanna
make rocket ships "said Chips,
and so they go making
friends,
but the story never
ends!!! 352
So they landed again,
and Quark had some cream
While the Prof fell asleep, and had a weird
dream:
In the dream
355
Quark and Fission go
on a misson,
In their balloon
holding the spoon,
They slowly go into
the dark,
In the dark they see
a spark,
On their way to the
moon.
Slowly and steadily
they have a race,
On their way to
space.
In space they see a
dog,
Slowly drifting into
the fog,
Holding the
spoon,
He says to the
moon,
"Oh why is it sitting
on that log?"
The moon is
confused,
He says to
Fission,
Who is concentrating
on his mission,
"Oh why is that dog
being misused?"
Weanwhile they sit
down to chat,
And they all see a
cat,
Lying on a the
mat.
"Oh why is he wearing
a hat?". 375
Suddenly the
dream-scene seems to freeze
The Prof’s been
eating too much cheese!
He yawns and
stretches out his sinews
And in his brain, the
dream continues… 379
As Professor Fission
Chips got closer to the moon,
He pressed the red
button for the zoom,
He started watching
Quark on patrol,
He sat on the
automatic control,
He and Quark started
playing cards,
The moon was only a
distance of 40 yards!
He thought he was
winning,
Then the ship started
spinning,
And both landed on
Mars,
So they both crash
landed on Mars,
Quark was seeing
double stars,
The Professor was
dead,
He lost his
head,
And Quark was ended
up with scars. 393
So Fission Chips, the
baboon,
set off to the ball
called the moon,
in his big giant
spaceship balloon.
He and Quark soared
into space,
slowing gaining with
lots of grace,
to set a record for
the human race.
But suddenly they
heard a prong,
and after that
something went wrong.
They missed the moon
and floated away,
then started to sway
into the Milky Way
Fission Chips fixed
the thing by now,
while Quark looked
off the side and thought wow.
Once again they set
off into the stars,
when suddenly they
bumped into Mars.
As soon as Mars came
into sight,
in the corner of
their eye they saw something bright.
Frighteningly, there
was a spark,
and that was the end
of Fission and Quark. 411
Fission squirmed and
wriggled his behind
The dream still
running through his mind 413
Fission Chips set off
in the rocket,
but all he had in his
pocket,
was a two pound
coin.
When he hit
Jupiter,
He met an alien
called Rupiter,
Who seemed nice at
first.
but when he
got,
to the
GRS,
He pushed me
in.
I twisted and
turned,
and then I
burned,
and now I am
DEAD!!!! 425
Professor Chips woke
with a start
And frightened Quark,
who did a fart!
“I’ve had a really
awful nightmare
That really gave me
such a fright there –
Now come on cat,
let’s wake up Tom
Before the spaceship
explodes like a bomb!
And so once more
432
he had his rockets,
in his pocket,
built the ship, and
had a chip,
and set off to planet
Zog,
where they met a
dog,
Professor
Fission,
thought this was a mission 438
They set off in their
rocket ship.
And Quark gives the
Professor a nasty nip.
They fly up into
space.
And the cat was
thrown all over the place.
Then they landed on
Mars.
And saw a pile of
chocolate bars.
The two of them smelt
a funny smell.
Then heard a ringing
bell.
They decided to go
back to space.
And they saw two
aliens having a race.
The Professor grabbed
one on the shoulder.
And it turned its big
green face.
The Professor was
picked up.
But then it saw a
face hiding behind a cup.
He dropped the
Professor right on his back.
But poor old Quark
was having a nap.
Fission Chips ran
back to his rocket ship.
And flew all around
space.
Quark gave him a
friendly nip.
But they landed in
the right place. 458
When he landed on the
moon,
he nearly did
swoon.
He saw aliens playing
risk, oh,
and he saw an
intergalactic disco.
He saw aliens doing a
dance,
only wearing golden
underpants.
He joined them and
danced all night,
then his trousers
fell down, what a fright.
Poor old Professor
Chips,
The man who made
rocket ships.
The aliens threw him
into his craft,
and it flew off like
a burst rubber raft.
When he got home he
shouted OH NO I left behind Quark!
He now lives in the alien park. 472
So Prof Chips set off
back again
His rocket was
roaring like a train
It shot up through
the atmosphere
Up to where the space
was clear
Quark was waiting at
the space park gate
He glared at the Prof
and said “You’re late!” 478
They set off in their
rocket ship,
a fire blazing out,
Quark and Professor
Fission Chips,
had landed on mars,
as they entered the
strange planet,
the aliens were
playing guitars,
but suddenly a meteor
crashed,
and made quite a loud
noise,
but what made them
most surprised,
was the fact that on mars there was living girls and
boys! 488
Eventually, their
mission over,
Quark and Chips, and
a dog called Rover
That belonged to
alien Tom
Decided they’d been
gone too long
And for now they
would cease to roam
And that it was time
to come home
The story of their
homeward flight
Would keep you up for
many a night
Because nobody can
agree
Just what happened –
as you will see: 498
Quark and Fission
set off on their mission
they hit a star
and went so so far
to the land of the French bird
their only supply was lemon curd.
Only Fission could see the bird
In case Quark ate it
but he wasn't hungry - well just a bit
they came home and sang with glee
well, at least they were back in time for tea.
509
they buit the ship
then they zoomed past
the moon
they zoomed to the
planet spoon
which was like
meteorological balloon
and met the guy of
doom
the guy was like a
Mediterranean fruit fly
he was called the guy
of doom.
He said he had a
cousin on Earth
called Jean Baptiste
Pierre Antoine de Monet.
Fission Chips zoomed
back home. 519
They left the moon
oh ever so so
soon.
Shot up like a rocket
and up like a
balloon.
They were back earth
where humans
lurk.
They told all their
mates
but they all said
"You dearks!"
But before as they
passed Uranus,
well they thought
they were famous.
Unlucky for them they
had to hide in their den.
Chips said, "Aren’t
we dips!”
Then they cried even rocket ships 532
"Ha, Ha" I've got
it
but I'll have to plot
it
I'll make some ships
that serve chips
I'll call it
Professor Fissionchips ships
Quark meowed, "I
don't wanna go!"
Professor said "Oh
yes you do, you can't say no!!"
So, off they went to
a planet called New York
where they meet a
one-eyed alien stork
"I’m scared!!" cried
Quark
and so he stowed away
on an ark
Joanna was her name
and she's clever
except she thought
her name was Trevor
and as Professor went
they flew through a
vent
on his ship jumped
quark
who looks scary in
the dark
On their way home
they went past a moon
that was playing a
jolly tune
when they landed at
home
they accidentally
killed the gnome!!! 552
So you can see,
readers and friends
One story can have
many ends
Now that’s the story
of Fish and his cat
We may come back
sometime to that
But here is Rosie, a
poet if ever,
Who wants to comment
on the weather 558
Sunshine sunshine
come to me
i wish to be a busy
bee
if you don't come
i'll have to kick you
up your bum!
Don't deny my final
offer
Then you won't be a
heavy cougher
So sunshine sunshine
come to me
Take away the rain to
be happy!
566
And here is Charlie,
who declares
The type of animals
he prefers 568
I don't like
cats
I don't like
hogs
but most of all I
like dogs! 571
Dogs have been in the poem before
And there is many a funny ‘un
But now I think we’ll tell the tale
Of a man named Cheezer Nunion.
Cheezer had a dog called Deefer
And on his foot, a bunion
Yes, that is all we really know
About old Cheezer Nunion
Where does he live
Who are his friends
Who knows how his story ends
Does he dig coal or chop a log
And what about his Deefer dog
Once more, I’m giving YOU the glory
For telling Cheezer Nunion’s story …
586
But
first we must take a detour
Because
our guests want something more
From
poetry - here's Matthew now
He
wants to show us what knits his brow:
591
I am
the Wind,
I am
the sea
I am
what you made me.
In this
material world for me to see.
I am
here I am there, wherever I may be,
I am
the same
I
have not changed-
From
the time you made me,
Who am
I
can I
be thee?
You may
sense my being-
whether
awake or in a dream.
I come
before you from ages past,
to tell
you the good things that will last-
I
know your thoughts, I can read your mind.
you may
say we are two of a kind.
I come to you to help you to know who you
are,
In
times of stress-Who Am I can you guess.
I am
all that there is, and ever will be--
your Soul within ,
then
you will know I will set you free 612
Ah,
souls, Matthew, now thereby hangs a tale
What are souls? - it's made many a
poet wail
But now with a tale of losers
and winners
Here's Sophia with a tale of
school dinners! 616
At dinner I got called,
then the dinner ladies shoved
me in a bin.
That was
enough thought, so I threw a bit of pork
"OOPPS!" I got caught.
Our head dinner lady was dreadful,
but I didn't give a
plateful.
The water fell
right in the middle of the table
like a massive pond,
but that didn't stop me from
having a song.
I made a
world record score,
while running down the
corridor.
As I trembled in fear,
from the dreadful dear.
I jumped
out of my knickers, just to collect some stickers. 629
Well. we will have to leave
Sophie there
with her tales of
underwear
Because now Patti wants to
speak of a lad who's handsome
Yes, he is her only
grandson! 633
I know a
little lad called seb
who ate 10 loaves of bread
he got too fat just could not get
out of bed,
that little lad called seb 637
And goodness me. here comes
Diana
Is she reciting a poem, or playing a piano?
I just can't tell, I cannot know
so
But either way she's a virtuoso!
641
I first met what’s-his-name
thingamajig
Whilst setting to sea in a
two-sailed brig.
He swung from the mast which
he’d gone up to rig,
Had the what-do-you-call-it
thingamajig.
He wasn’t too small and he wasn’t
too big,
Not human, nor monkey, cat,
dog or pig,
But a what-do-you-call-it
thingamajig.
His feet were quite large but his
figure was trig,
He was ugly but said he did not
care a fig,
That what-do-you-call-him
thingamajig.
His head was quite bald but he
wore a blonde wig
That had been fixed on by a welder
named Mig,
Firm on the head of the
thingamajig.
He was drinking ale from a
four-handed tig.
As he chatted to me he kept taking
a swig,
That ,now rather tipsy,
thing-ing-amajig.
As, on the deck, in our chairs we
did lig
He told me he really wanted to
flig,
Be a pilot, a dare-devil
fligamajig.
He took out a Vesta and lit up a
cig’
When I said “that’s not healthy”,
he took the hig,
Did that huffiest, puffiest
thingamajig.
He leapt from his chair like a
chirruping crig,
Got on his high horse, called me a
prig,
That hopping-mad
what’s-it’s-name thingamajig.
I tried to cajole him, I gave him
a dig.
He relented, cheered up, then we
danced a jig,
Me and that funny-old
gigamajig.
When we got to the river, with a
pin on a twig,
He caught some trout and a
nice fat snig,
Then I dined in style with the
thingamajig.
We reached the shore, had a
ride in a gig
And rode to his home which was
funded by thig,
For he was so poor, was that
thingamajig.
The house was a dump but he wasn’t
called Stig.
His name was Zygo, his twin
sister Zyg.
For I now knew a pair of
thingamajig!
After rushing around like a fast
whirligig,
All dressed in white with a
flowery sprig,
I walked down the aisle with my wonderful,
funny-old thingamajig. 681
Wow! Those lines were big, but
I've seen bigger
Now a different Sophie
wants to talk about Tigger 683
Tigger the cat is
poorly
Mum gives him a pill each
day
He doesn't seem very
grateful
And doesn't have much to
say.
The vet says it is his
thyroid
He's old and tatty and
thin.
We used to call him 'fat
cat'
And tickle him under his
chin.
Now he sleeps and sleeps all
day
He really is getting quite
old
But I really, really do love
him
He is worth his weight in
gold. 695
Yes, Cats and poetry go
together
Whatever the day, whatever the
weather
Fron Pangur Ban to Macavity,
man
They purr their poems like no
other can 699
And finally, another feature
Here's Shannon, rhyming about her
teacher: 701
My teacher always
burbs
It gets on my
nerves,
She's got a spot on her
chin;
She picks it all day
long,
So it bleeds on and on.
706
Well, Shannon, her spot sounds
like a runny 'un
But now let's get back to Cheezer Nunion...
708
Now here’s a secret I will tell to you
Cheezer Nunion was a spaceman too
He was also a fan of Alfred Noyes
And his poetry has a similar voice
And this next part of the poem lays
Out what he did, in his younger days: 714
The giant rocket ship was ready to blast off way up
high,
The space boots were filled with weights so they did
not float in the sky,
The space crew were excited for their long tiring ride,
And the spaceman went gliding – gliding – gliding,
The spaceman came gliding into space with
pride. 719
The night sky was filled with twinkling stars in the
moonlight,
The moon was a silvery face shining like a diamond
bright,
The famous Union Jack was held up so high,
And the spaceman went floating – floating –
floating,
The spaceman went floating in the dark starry
sky. 724
Floating across the bouncy moon to the shiny spaceship
door,
Looking through the window pane his feet firmly touched
the floor,
The stars flew past the window he was nearly there,
And the spaceman went on zooming – zooming –
zooming,
The spaceman came zooming down to the alien fair. 729
There were green aliens sliding about like jelly,
Monsters were playing a game shooting people on the
belly,
Creatures were eating lunch, delicious mars bars and
milky ways,
And the spaceman was laughing – laughing – laughing,
The spaceman was laughing because of his really fun
day. 734
The lights were like diamonds piercing your eyes and
blinding you,
The spaceman went on an alien train the aliens shrieked
BOO!!!
The spaceman had terrible fright and thought it was
night
And the Spaceman went screaming screaming screaming
The spaceman went screaming to the moon where it was
light. 739
When Cheezer Nunion returned
to Earth
He bought a house for what it was worth
But soon discovered it was more than he wanted
Because it turned out, his house was … haunted! 743
The house, lit by a moon
Was distorted and calm
It was very frightening
It was once a big farm
Upper window was smashed
You will die, so unfair
The house had lots of cracks
Go in if you dare
It used to be pretty until it got struck by a bolt of
lighting
Remember my words
The ghost is still whitening. 753
Made on a blank hill side
By someone just crazy
And once someone was killed
And her name was Maisie
Her friend went mental and mad
She hired a good nurse
Frightened silly and dumb
She was in the curse
Beware you must be willed
To go where it is hilled
763
When the bright moon is full,
And some footsteps are heard,
When the bats start to scream,
Then something strange occurred,
The old door starts to creek,
And the wind starts to blow,
Like a mad howling dog,
And the trees start to grow,
Then I saw a wrinkly man, was it a dream,
I felt very scared so, I ran in a stream,
I woke up with a shock,
And I looked all around,
I saw the rusty gate,
And I heard a spooky sound,
I ran to the doorway,
And up the creaky steps,
Then I saw a vampire
I tried to run away,
But I felt very tired as it was so late,
He grabbed my throat and my blood he nearly ate,
He dropped me on the floor,
And made me bang my head,
I ran to the bedroom,
And collapsed on the bed,
Then I dropped off to sleep,
And had a bad dream,
I woke up in a fright,
And saw ghosts in a team,
I looked out of the window and saw the full moon,
And then a bandaged mummy came out of a tomb! 793
There’s a house on the hill,
It was built long ago,
It will scare you away,
Or at least I think so,
This house it is haunted,
The bats will surround you,
Ghosts peep out of the window,
And scarecrows do Kung Fu.
Don’t go near or you shall pay,
I’ll only warn you today.
803
I saw there a scarecrow who
pointed to the house
Creeping forwards with care
As quiet as a mouse
Reaching for the handle
Fingers shaking with fear
Turned the rusty knob
Would silent ghouls hear?
If you visit the house on the hill for a dare
Remember my words …there are dangers. Beware! 812
The house on the hill
Discovered years ago,
By the man who’s manic,
The people that go there,
Will come back in panic,
The tales of the house,
Can hurt or devour,
No sound and no colour,
But had lots of power.
Forgotten forever,
Found only by the strange
But that is not quite fair,
Locked in the ever cage,
The curse had been lifted,
Horrors will make them cry,
Lifted by the same curse,
After they rot and die. 829
The ghost is so spooky
It so freaks out the house
Since 1826
It has moved like a mouse
Up and down round and round
Waiting for some one to scare
As you shout, “Who are you?”
It moves coldly through air. 837
The House on the Peak
It was built years ago,
With a big loud bang,
And people who go there…
We hit with a pan!
Dead man runs here and there,
When the gates creak,
You now someone is there,
Who lived on a peak,
When you go there you better bring a pair,
For mark my words…
BEWARE! BEWARE! There’s a Bear!!! 849
The house on the hill
It came out of the earth
And was covered in bats
When you’re inside there
Are lots of matty mats
When
people go to buy
It they all run from it
But when one person went
He had a fit 858
So Cheezer left and joined the circus
Leaving his home to the ghostly lurkers
With their banshee screams so loud,
Meanwhile, stuntman Cheezer thrilled the crowd
But Cheezer wasn’t the star of the show,
That was Death man, the stuntman, Go! Man! Go! 864
What a show! The fans said making the stuntman very
proud.
Until he found a time portal, WOW! He shouted aloud
He travelled through time many centuries
No way, I hear you say
Travelling travelling forever travelling
Until he crash landed in a field and there he lay.
870
He had a gun and had a rope, a sword and a knife
A hat made out of straw
But his heart was burning with enthusiasm
But the best weapon of all was the ray gun which shot
out rays
But his gravity hammer just fell apart. 875
Killing through his way but when he realizes
He is miles a way from the portal
But when he gets his ray gun
So every one would fight for their lives
But when he was shot in the head
The ray gun was on the floor and the death was near
But what about if he was riding dead riding riding
The people went past him
His ray gun on him. 884
Death man was on the floor
But sergeant Warcher came and helped him up.
886
When he was up death man went mental
and killed loads of people but when he used his ray gun
up
he was dead. 889
But Death man was saved by the portal key
and he was back in his bedroom. 891
Death man is the type of stunt man who would get hit by
a tyre
And he would sometimes be so daring he would jump
through fire
Once daring to jump off some flats he got stuck in a
tree
Cameramen came zooming,
Zooming Zooming
Cameramen came zooming to where Death man’s next
dangerous stunt will be
Today was Death man's huge stunt to paraglide down to a
farm
Not having practiced, when he jumped he landed on his
arm
His scream from the barn was so loud, it was muffled by
the hay
The ambulance came roaring roaring
The ambulance came roaring
And carried the injured Death man carefully away
Poor old Death man on a small bed having his body
tested
He tried getting up, he fell he was told “you haven’t
rested”
Death man had a big rest but jerked in his sleep and
cracked his head
Monitor set off beeping, beeping
Monitor set off bleeping
Suddenly poor old Death man was dead
Before Death mans death he had a little baby boy called
Loy
Death man’s wife Louise took his cape and mask for a
dressing toy
Every time his boy Loy saw his outfit he would go
mad
When Loy grew up he would go dressing dressing
When Loy grew up he would go dressing
In his outfit, Death man’s, his dad 916
Death man and Cheezer Nunion aren’t the only super
hero
Superman’s being going strong ever since the time of
Nero! 918
Superman gets a call Wonder woman is in danger
Super Sniffy is stuck in the submarine’s wooden manger
Superman sets off in his jet pack for his
destination.
Superman comes to the rescue-rescue-rescue
Superman comes to the rescue he reached his
location
Wonder woman and Superman fall romantically in love
Wonder woman and Superman go out for tea
to the pub
Super man Wonder woman kissed-kissed-kissed
Superman and wonder woman kissed
and had their Sunday pork. 928
And there we leave them, with
a pork "banger"
And talk instead about a “Ganger” 930
As midnight struck we were cruising our turf in a car,
Ok don’t laugh we know it’s not exactly a Jaguar,
Near the shop Biggie shouted out,
“Rollers get down! Drive by!”
Driving – driving – driving everyone wants to
drive.”
We’ll be dead if you try 936
It was in LA where we met another gang member in the
face
They were saying my girlfriend’s face was wrecked,
What a lie, I’ll have his head.
Then came Biggie “shut up, you will be dead
and I’ll splat your brain in.
941
Fighting in the car park it was soon due to an end
Then the stretched limousine came swerving round
Madly round the bend,
Followed by the dirty S.W.A.T van looking fierce and
nasty,
The dirty van came driving
Driving - driving
The dirty van came driving up to the car park,
ghastly! 948
Then we were caught and sentenced to death,
Throats slit by a guy, why not!
But not until we fought back shooting, stabbing causing
a riot - ALL!
We then jumped in the car and drove off really
badly.
Our gang drove off shouting
Shouting - shouting
Our gang drove off shouting really madly.
955
And so they escaped and were never seen again
But now someone else has picked up the pen
And instead of gangs and people fighting
It’s about her family that Abigail’s been writing 959
Why do families make you cringe?
Take my Dad, he calls me
Ginge.
I'm not disputing
that my hair is red,
but
Dad, I think your head’s a shed.
"Does my bum look big in this?"
I hear Mum say,
24 hours of every day.
"Yes" I say
You mustn't tell lies.
After all Mum,
You ate all the pies!
Talk about sisters,
They have special powers,
To torture and annoy you for hours and hours.
But deep down inside, they
love you to bits,
Even if
you give them your nits.
But thanks Mum and Dad
For not giving me a brother.
I wouldn't be able to cope
with another.
Even though
my family is really uncool,
I still look forward to coming home from school!
980
Georgia’s got a
sister, too
With a blister full of goo! 982
My Sister licked her blister
And out popped some pus
She screamed and cried, so I had a look
And couldn't understand
the fuss! 986
Urgh! Still, families are where we live
And they help to keep us humble
Especially when we wake at night
And feel our tummy rumble 990
I woke up at midnight,
Wide awake,
And fancied some food,
Probably a steak.
I looked to my left,
And thought in my head,
Why the heck,
Did I fall out of bed?
I climbed back up,
Straight and tall,
Walked out my room,
Into the hall.
I yawned aloud,
Mighty and true,
And sloppily walked,
To the loo.
I flushed the toilet,
And stumbled away,
I almost fell,
Onto the hay.
I went to the kitchen,
Grabbed some sweets,
Turned on some music,
Awesome beats!
Then I danced,
Around the room.
I knocked over a vase,
And a family heirloom!
I crept back upstairs,
Stiff as a cat,
Stepped on a model,
And a toy rat!
I jumped back in bed,
And curled up warm,
And then my dreams,
Began to form.
I thought of school,
Playtime and lunch,
But I had to wake up,
Mum was making brunch.
They asked what I did,
The night before,
So I said to them,
'Sleep and no more!' 1034
Midnight feasts are all very well
But they sometimes cause an awful smell
Here’s Pamela and Luke to tell you true
Some funny facts to do with poo 1038
I'm a farter
I have been all my life
I try to hold it in but,
it hurts and it's not nice
when I releases it
it makes me feel just fine
when someone says who done that?
I deny its one of
mine
1046
There once was an old poo named Mr Gum,
he was sloppy and smelly and
he comes from your bum.
I've just had a curry,
Then out comes old Gummy.
How funny it would be if it landed on Mum. 1051
Dominic is probably Luke’s
friend:
But he wants to write
about the body’s other end! 1053
There once was a girl called Jen,
who couldn't put down her pen,
she awoke with a
fright,
in the middle of
the night,
to find her
throat overflowing with phlegm 1058
Rebecca and Ben now take up the
poem
Writing on dead hedgehogs
and a dog that lives at home: 1060
Hedgehog
Totally squashed
Flattened by a lorry
He should have looked before he crossed
The road! 1065
My dog Finlay’s big ears
are broken now
he can't hear a thing
even when I shout wow!
My dog Finlay’s big
ears
are full are waxy
gunge
he tries to get it
out
with a great big fat
sponge 1073
Well, let’s hope Finlay’s on the mend
And can once more hear your talkies
Otherwise, how will he know
When it is time for walkies?
Not all poems are on specific things
Some are general and bold,
And now we have some verses on
How the weather used to be
cold: 1080
Where have all the winters gone
That my mum talks about
Where have all the summers
gone
When kids scream,
laugh and shout
Where are
all the blue skies
That
lasted all day long
Where
is the songbird
Singing its
song
The seasons are all
wrong now
And how can that
be
When you hear about
tsunamis
And what was land
now is sea
People losing
loved ones
When the
weather goes all wrong
Icebergs melting in the sea
When they used to be ten miles
long
People turn a blind
eye to the weatherman today
When everyone should be aware
that the earth is slipping
away
1099
And now to entertain us for a
while
Another tale of long ago
Vincent the Poet writes of Ireland’s Isle
And the mystical places he used to
know
Where the salmon leap, and the waterfalls splash
In a beautiful section called "Hawthorn to Ash" 1105
Children are dreamers
But then, so are the aged
But a child dreams in
colour
The old dream in
rage
Oh, I was a dreamer
WhenI was a boy
When I lived in a land
Of magic and joy
Where the sun would come up
Or go down in a flash!
Where I ran through the trees
From Hawthorn to Ash.
Down by the Black Water
I met the Banshee
Beguiled by her beauty
When she beckoned to me
"Come now, Movourneen,
Run this comb through my hair"
As I did so I swear
I heard symphonies fair
But, one look in her eyes
And in terror I dashed
And I ran through the trees
From Hawthorn to Ash.
The fairies were wailing
And wringing their hands
As they marched with their dead
To a Leprechaun band
Slow marching through ferns
Where they disappeared
Drums muffled in black
So the dead wouldn't hear
How I scurried for home
When the lightening
Did Flash!
And I ran through the trees
From Hawthorn to Ash.
Now that I'm older
I too dream in rage
For life's lost its colour
It's a black and white page
Yet my thoughts often stray
To when I was a boy
When I lived in that land
Of magic and joy
Where the sun and the moon
Would collide in a smash!
Where I ran through the
trees
From Hawthorn to Ash!
1154
And now for more on how to
run
Dangerous housework, and other fun!
1156
If you skip
you trip
If you run
your shoe lace comes undone
If you hop
you just have to stop
If you jump
you just fall in a hump
If you crawl
you feel so small
If you go for a jog
you end up in all the bog
If you leap
you land in a heap
If you go for a swim
you hurt a limb
When you stop
you just flop 1174
Running running up and down
Round the corners round the bends
If I could only stop running
I would be able to have a rest.
Sitting sitting on the sofa
Now I have a
rest. 1180
The day I got sucked up the hoover,
it wasn't a pretty sight.
The things I saw in that
hoover bag...
Want me to
tell you? Alright!
When I was sucked up the hoover,
Dads car-keys hit me in the
head.
So that's where
they'd gone,
we'd been
searching for days.
We'd
been using a push bike instead.
When I was sucked up the hoover,
I couldn't find my way back
out.
In that dark plastic
tube,
it was like a
maze.
My head was filled with doubt.
I finally found my way out of that thing,
it was surprisingly big
inside.
So I have a tip
for you people out there:
never try to hoover ride! 1198
My beanbag is pink, round
and lumpy.
Not hard square
and frumpy.
When I get home from
school
it's there,
waiting for me to take a chair. 1202
But now my dear friends,
we must start some new tales
And clear our throats with a
cough:
For in new ways, this poem must take
off… 1205
And take off , it surely
did,
We've left behind Prof Fission
For now we have to clear
the stage
For a contribution from a
politician:
1209
"For
children, schools and families, I am the Secretary of State
"Best
country in the world to grow up in" would be great.
Being safe, happy
and healthy, is what all children need,
If we ensure they enjoy
school, they are bound to succeed.
Opportunities for all, let's use
our potential,
I'm sure you all agree my job is
essential."
1215
Well kids, he is the man in charge
And
I've just read his words to my cat:
And I think we both agree
You can't say fairer than
that
1219
About
Gez