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Mum, the Dog's Drunk Again!


Dad put out a bowl of beer
To keep slugs off his veg,
But our stupid dog drank it
Then fell into the hedge.

He started to wail,
Which drove us all mad,
Then he ate my trainers
And tried to have sex with Dad.

He barked to next door’s dog
That they would be friends forever
Before snuggling up to the cat
Saying, "We want to be together!"

Mum said, "I think he’s drunk.
Come on, good boy, Rover."
The dog gave her a soppy grin
Then the stupid mutt fell over.

Next morning when he woke,
With a headache he couldn’t bear,
He had a road cone in his kennel
And thought, "How did that get there?"


Taken from
Mum, the Dog's Drunk Again! by Gez Walsh
(The King's England Press, 2004)



Who Weed on the Toilet Seat?


Every night at our house
My Mum and sister will bleat
To my brother, Dad and me:
"Who’s weed on the toilet seat?"

They say, "Just lift the seat up!"
And that men and boys don’t think.
I don’t know why they’re blaming me,
Because I always wee in the sink!

Taken from
Mum, the Dog's Drunk Again! by Gez Walsh
(The King's England Press, 2004)